Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
