my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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