you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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