I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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