Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
