Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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