In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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