Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
