Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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