i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
