I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Buhtt sex?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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