we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
