Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
