I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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