Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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