You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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