I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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