After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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