I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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