If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
