were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
