He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
