She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
