i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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