She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
