Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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