Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
