I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
