When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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