Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
