I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
