I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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