i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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