So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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