Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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