dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
