i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
