I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
