Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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