Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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