ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
my liver is dry heaving
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
