Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
