I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
