So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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