she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
