Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
