Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
