i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
