you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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