haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
