I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
