I'm lost and stupid without you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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