it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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