I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
