I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
