My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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