I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
