i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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