How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
