remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
