I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
