i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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