: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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