I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
